Humor....for your April Fool's Day

April 1, 2015

Laughs from Abernethy Laurels Village...

Not much going on out at the village this week. However, our roving reporters did turn in the following gems: Mary's neighbors have a new door mat, which says in large letters, "NOT YOU AGAIN!!!." Mary tripped on the mat, took a nasty fall and had to double up on her ibpru...ibrup...ibroup....medicine. 

Susan's doctor was concerned about her weight and told her to walk three miles a day. The sheriff picked her up in Burke County last week, twenty one miles from home.

We finally secured a full-time proctologist. He came well recommended, having worked the past four years for Roto-Rooter. 

Quite a stir at our little bank, last week. They notified Fred that he was overdrawn. He took a fit and insisted that the bank was wrong, and rightly so, since he still had some blank checks left.

Our local artist-in-residence, Bob Silverman, died last week. An eighty-three year old song writer, he was best known for writing "The Hokey Pokey." They had a hard time getting him into the casket. Seems like they got the left foot in and after that,....well, things "kinda" went downhill from there.

Everyone was urged to be on the look-out for four members of our ever-popular Pathfinders Club. They're lost somewhere between here and Drum's crossroads.

We welcomed a new travel counselor to the village this week. He seems to know his "stuff." His last regular job was look-out on the Titanic.

Ellie ran three stop lights last week on her way to her bridge club in Newton. When questioned by fellow passengers, she answered, "What!!. Was I driving?"

In discussing offspring, Gladys insisted that she knew everything about her grand children, dental appointments, love affairs, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, hopes and dreams. She said her son-in-law was vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. 

One couple revealed the reason their marriage had lasted 60 years: they went out twice a week for dancing and gourmet dining by candle light. She went on Tuesdays and he went on Fridays. 

Carl's garden is coming along nicely this Spring and is well received. The deer, squirrels, rabbits and turkeys hold a prayer breakfast there most every morning along about daybreak.<br />Sarah celebrated another birthday this week. When she was born, the Dead Sea was just sick.

Article contributed by Abernethy Laurels resident John Tate.